1. The Curriculum Guy

After being featured in Mishpacha, you just might be the big break for the fourth-grade rebbi out there who’s written an emunah curriculum. True, Torah Umesorah wasn’t interested, but if he could just have a few hours of your time, you’ll see why this 600-page curriculum can revitalize the Jewish community.

2. The Public Speaking Booker

They’re looking for someone to speak at the Annual Convention of Brooklyn Sheitelmachers, and thought you might be a good choice. Want to know how many random Jewish organizations are out there? Get yourself featured in Mishpacha. They can’t pay you, but they’ll cover travel and provide one free sheitel styling.

3. The Pro-Picture Lobbyist

“It’s great that you were in Mishpacha magazine and all but WHY DON’T THEY HAVE PICTURES OF WOMEN???” This e-mail, often in all caps, will come your way regardless of your standing in the magazine. Whether you were quoted in an article or just had your art featured in the kid’s corner, consider yourself a target for an explanation.

4. The Wannabe Publicist

“Great feature/quote/article/picture and all, but you know what the magazine should really be highlighting?” This e-mail comes from an aspiring editor, who may have never worked or been involved with a magazine, but you have just become the perfect target for his insistence that his pet project should be featured. Easiest response is just a sincere commitment that you’ll forward it to the powers that be. And good luck with your herring gemach!

5. The Line-Dropper

The hardest part about getting a terse e-mail, “Hey, just saw you in Mishpacha” is figuring out the correct response. Is it thank you? Well, that wasn’t exactly a compliment — more like the ubiquitous but equally ambiguous, “Hey, you got a haircut.” This response is best replied to with a commensurate amount of obscurity. I just say, “Indeed.”

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 705)