T

he American Academy of Pediatrics suggests that parents come to an agreement with their children regarding the kids’ tech use, and together sign a contract that reflects the family’s values, including putting phones away during homework time, limiting screen time to two hours a day, and designating family mealtime as technology-free. Although the academy doesn’t say this, even adults need such a contract.

Even good things need boundaries. No matter how worthwhile an activity is, if it becomes too consuming, the risks are bound to outweigh the benefits. All of us, adults and kids alike, need boundaries for our tech use. This is something we hopefully do naturally, but officially setting limits, actually writing them up and posting them prominently, is a great lesson for our children. It will also help you keep your resolve strong when the siren song of your smartphone beckons.

It’s tempting to believe that every incoming text is just a temporary interruption that doesn’t affect our lives too much, but they all add up and cause our lives to lose focus. Personally, I try to turn to my phone only when I have a specific reason to do so, and not use it to pass time, though it is incredibly tempting to do so — by design. The struggle comes up again and again, but I see this as nothing less than the battle to retain my tzelem Elokim.

It’s also easy to see technology as overwhelmingly positive. Sure, you need to be careful to maintain control, to not get obsessed; but the speed, the knowledge, the sharing of lives that it allows... It’s fantastic, right?

Maybe not. The reality is that a more honest approach is called for. Yes, we can listen to a huge range of shiurim anytime and increase our Torah learning. That’s great. But does that outweigh the other kinds of new knowledge available on the Internet? I appreciate that I can shop for my children’s spring wardrobe from the comfort of my couch... but as I’m shopping, all the power and ease of the Internet is leveraged to get me to buy more, more, more.

I have no idea if technology is good or bad. We need gedolei Yisrael to address these issues. I just know it’s a reality and it’s here to stay. I appreciate the ways it enriches my life, helps me stay in touch with friends and family, facilitates Torah learning and chesed and allows me to retain good memories. And I’m wary of the other effects it has on my life — some of which I’ve presented in this series, some of which I’ve elaborated on in my forthcoming book, and some of which I’m just starting to understand.

I see people around me shopping, interacting with their children, at work and on car pool lines, all with phones attached to their palms. I don’t want to be that person. I have no doubt that as the externals of my life evolve and change, my tech needs will change as well. But I hope I’ll keep thinking about its effects and make conscious decisions along the way. The issues are real, and the conversation must continue.

Mazal, age 16

There’s been a real change in my life since I starting keeping this journal. Yes, I still go on video sites and dumb things like that. But now, when I start, I’ll often actually catch myself and stop. That’s huge. Before, when a screen was playing, I was watching. Now I am definitely more in control. (Excerpted from Mishpacha, Issue 722)