Join The Conversation With Mishpacha's Weekly Newsletter



Short Story: Leave a Message

M.C. Millman

It’s not hard to understand why I spent all that time looking for a message. All it took was for my husband to quote one Zohar: “Did you know that 40 days before he is niftar, a person’s neshamah is aware that he will pass away?” No, I wasn’t aware. But had Perel Rena a”h, my daughter who was suddenly nifteres at the age of 18, been aware?

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

roses To have someone suddenly ripped from the fabric of the family unit is a shock so painful, one forgets to breathe. Every heartbeat screamed her name, and my first waking thought as well as my last was always of her. I’m not sure when the clamor of pain began to ebb, and I will never admit that it has subsided, because that would be a new pain entirely of its own, and I am not looking for new pain, only to be able to get through what I’ve been given.

But one all-consuming passion that I was finally, after three years, able to release, was my search for a message. A goodbye note, a last word, anything that could tell me that my daughter had somehow known and understood and accepted what was going to be.

So search I did. I looked in all the obvious places: in her drawers, and on her computer, which she had used to do so much chesed — among other things, creating awards for the shul’s “No Talking” campaign, created as a zchus for her refuah shleimah.

As I clicked through the files, my heart stopped. I came to a file named “Yocheved Rus’s Bas Mitzvah Card.” Here, at last, was proof. Perel Rena must have known she was going to miss her youngest sister’s bas mitzvah. She made her a card in advance. I opened the file. And yes, it was a card, and yes, she had made it for her youngest sister. But it was designed for her sister to give to a classmate. I continued my search.

 

Share this page with a friend. Fill in the information below, and we'll email your friend a link to this page on your behalf.

Your name
Your email address
You friend's name
Your friend's email address
Please type the characters you see in the image into the box provided.
CAPTCHA
Message


MM217
 
No Misunderstandings
Rabbi Moshe Grylak Hashem revealed the secret of a balanced life
What Was the Court’s Rush?
Yonoson Rosenblum The Democratic Party’s descent into madness
Survey? Oy Vey
Eytan Kobre How could YAFFED promote such a farce?
Filling the Void
Rabbi Henoch Plotnik Jewish leaders don’t need to be declared or coronated
Top 5 Ways We Remember Our Rebbeim (and we love them for it!)
Rabbi Dovid Bashevkin An ode to these pivotal people in my life
Hanging On in Newark
Rabbi Nosson Scherman Rabbi Nosson Scherman remembers the shul of his youth
A Fine Kettle of Fish
Rabbi Ron Yitzchok Eisenman The “minor” chasadim are often the most meaningful
The Next Hill
Jacob L. Freedman The look on Malachi’s face nearly broke my heart
Tradition and Modern Meet in One Long Dance
Riki Goldstein Fusing tradition and modernity comes naturally to him
A Playlist for Shabbos
Riki Goldstein What does Moshy Kraus sing at the Shabbos table?
With Flying Colors
Riki Goldstein My 15 seconds of fame on the Carnegie Hall stage
Full Faith
Faigy Peritzman With emunah, everyone’s obligation is the same
Speechless
Sarah Chana Radcliffe Silence isn’t always golden
The Only One
With Rav Moshe Wolfson, written by Baila Vorhand Within every Jew is the flame of instinctive emunah