Join The Conversation With Mishpacha's Weekly Newsletter


Rachel Bachrach

The majority of us graduate high school and seminary, get married, have children, and move through the ages and stages of life. But not always is life’s journey so seamless. When the wedding band or baby appears a decade after one’s peers have reached that milestone, what happens? Does gratitude smooth out the wrinkles? Or does the woman whose most heartfelt desire was finally granted feel like she’s constantly playing catch-up?

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

clockShaindy, who lives in the Satmar community inWilliamsburg, gave birth to her first child almost ten years into her marriage. She and her husband marked a few anniversaries before she ever became pregnant, and several years and four devastating miscarriages later, they were still waiting for a baby.

Even when her baby was born, she didn’t feel like a mommy for a while. Because Shaindy’s son Dovid was born six weeks premature, she vacillated between relief — “I finally had a baby!” — and ambivalence. She found she couldn’t relate to other people’s excitement.

“I couldn’t really see my baby, I didn’t hold him, he was losing weight, he was this pathetic pitzeleh,” she remembers. “Finally I’m a mother, you say, but where’s my baby?”

Did Shaindy feel like a mother once she took her son home?

“Yes. No. Maybe.” She laughs. “Really, it was when I went out with him for the first time with a stroller. He was five weeks old, and I felt like my heart was bursting. It kicked in — this is my baby, and he’s here to stay.”

Short pause.

“Actually, it was when he started to walk and talk.”

Another pause.

“No, it was when he was two and a half, and I was expecting my second. It was a normal pregnancy and I was trying to toilet-train my first and getting nowhere — that’s when I joined the ranks of frazzled mother.”

Shaindy laughs again.

“No, it was when I had my second, and there was sibling rivalry, and my older kid was sitting on my baby, and I was juggling the needs of two people. That’s when I realized I’m a mother.”


 To read the rest of this story, please buy this issue of Mishpacha. To sign up for a weekly subscription click here.

Share this page with a friend. Fill in the information below, and we'll email your friend a link to this page on your behalf.

Your name
Your email address
You friend's name
Your friend's email address
Please type the characters you see in the image into the box provided.

What’s in a Name?
Shoshana Friedman “What does Writer X have to say this week?”
Atonement — Fake and Real
Yonoson Rosenblum White confessionals and faux rituals
Four Walls Coming Full Circle
Eytan Kobre All the while, there’s been a relationship in the offing...
And Yet We Smile
Yisroel Besser We are the nation that toils to be happy at all costs
Out of This World
Rabbi Henoch Plotnick Dirshu Hashem b’himatzo — we are in Hashem’s company now...
Steven and Jonathan Litton
Rachel Bachrach The co-owners of Litton Sukkah, based in Lawrence, NY
Tali Messing
Moe Mernick Tali Messing, engineering manager at Facebook Tel Aviv
Sick Note
Jacob L. Freedman “Of course, Dr. Freedman. Machul, machul, machul”
Avoiding Health Columns Can Be Good for You
Rabbi Emanuel Feldman Only one reliable guide for good health: our Torah
Endnote: Side Notes
Riki Goldstein Most Jewish music industry entertainers have side profes...
Me, Myself, and Why
Faigy Peritzman Where there’s no heart and no love, there’s no point
Can’t Do It Without You
Sarah Chana Radcliffe When you step up to the plate, you build your home team
Eternal Joy
Mrs. Elana Moskowitz The joy of Succos is the fruit of spiritual victory
The Appraiser: Part III
D. Himy, M.S. CCC-SLP and Zivia Reischer Make sure your child knows his strengths
Hidden Special Needs
Rena Shechter You won’t see his special needs, but don’t deny them
Dear Wealthy Friend
Anonymous There’s no need for guilt. I am truly happy for you