Join The Conversation With Mishpacha's Weekly Newsletter



Latecomers

Rachel Bachrach

The majority of us graduate high school and seminary, get married, have children, and move through the ages and stages of life. But not always is life’s journey so seamless. When the wedding band or baby appears a decade after one’s peers have reached that milestone, what happens? Does gratitude smooth out the wrinkles? Or does the woman whose most heartfelt desire was finally granted feel like she’s constantly playing catch-up?

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

clockShaindy, who lives in the Satmar community inWilliamsburg, gave birth to her first child almost ten years into her marriage. She and her husband marked a few anniversaries before she ever became pregnant, and several years and four devastating miscarriages later, they were still waiting for a baby.

Even when her baby was born, she didn’t feel like a mommy for a while. Because Shaindy’s son Dovid was born six weeks premature, she vacillated between relief — “I finally had a baby!” — and ambivalence. She found she couldn’t relate to other people’s excitement.

“I couldn’t really see my baby, I didn’t hold him, he was losing weight, he was this pathetic pitzeleh,” she remembers. “Finally I’m a mother, you say, but where’s my baby?”

Did Shaindy feel like a mother once she took her son home?

“Yes. No. Maybe.” She laughs. “Really, it was when I went out with him for the first time with a stroller. He was five weeks old, and I felt like my heart was bursting. It kicked in — this is my baby, and he’s here to stay.”

Short pause.

“Actually, it was when he started to walk and talk.”

Another pause.

“No, it was when he was two and a half, and I was expecting my second. It was a normal pregnancy and I was trying to toilet-train my first and getting nowhere — that’s when I joined the ranks of frazzled mother.”

Shaindy laughs again.

“No, it was when I had my second, and there was sibling rivalry, and my older kid was sitting on my baby, and I was juggling the needs of two people. That’s when I realized I’m a mother.”

  

 To read the rest of this story, please buy this issue of Mishpacha. To sign up for a weekly subscription click here.

Share this page with a friend. Fill in the information below, and we'll email your friend a link to this page on your behalf.

Your name
Your email address
You friend's name
Your friend's email address
Please type the characters you see in the image into the box provided.
CAPTCHA
Message


MM217
 
No Misunderstandings
Rabbi Moshe Grylak Hashem revealed the secret of a balanced life
What Was the Court’s Rush?
Yonoson Rosenblum The Democratic Party’s descent into madness
Survey? Oy Vey
Eytan Kobre How could YAFFED promote such a farce?
Filling the Void
Rabbi Henoch Plotnik Jewish leaders don’t need to be declared or coronated
Top 5 Ways We Remember Our Rebbeim (and we love them for it!)
Rabbi Dovid Bashevkin An ode to these pivotal people in my life
Hanging On in Newark
Rabbi Nosson Scherman Rabbi Nosson Scherman remembers the shul of his youth
A Fine Kettle of Fish
Rabbi Ron Yitzchok Eisenman The “minor” chasadim are often the most meaningful
The Next Hill
Jacob L. Freedman The look on Malachi’s face nearly broke my heart
Tradition and Modern Meet in One Long Dance
Riki Goldstein Fusing tradition and modernity comes naturally to him
A Playlist for Shabbos
Riki Goldstein What does Moshy Kraus sing at the Shabbos table?
With Flying Colors
Riki Goldstein My 15 seconds of fame on the Carnegie Hall stage
Full Faith
Faigy Peritzman With emunah, everyone’s obligation is the same
Speechless
Sarah Chana Radcliffe Silence isn’t always golden
The Only One
With Rav Moshe Wolfson, written by Baila Vorhand Within every Jew is the flame of instinctive emunah