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My Dating Diary

Rosie Einhorn LCSW. and Sherry Zimmerman JD., M.Sc

“And then I realized, I need help! I need to talk to someone besides for Tzivya and Amy. I love the two of them to pieces, but when it comes to dating, they don’t have the perspective that I need.”

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Tmakeuphird date? Tenth date? How should I count it? And more importantly, what does it mean?

Aryeh and I dated last year for about a month — it went really well. I was comfortable with him and felt like it was moving somewhere. Our names together even had a nice ring: Aryeh and Chany. And then, without explanation, he withdrew.

When he called up the shadchan a couple weeks back and said he wanted to give it a second try, I hesitated. He dated my roommate’s friend a few months back, and broke up with her when things seemed to be moving forward.

Still, I discussed it with Tzivya and Amy — my two best friends, who are single like me — and they told me to go ahead. After all, I’d liked him last year. Maybe it hadn’t been the right time. Maybe now is the right time.

Hmmm.

The first two dates went fine — more than fine, actually, cuz we could skip the awkward getting-to-know you questions. But this afternoon, as we strolled through the botanical gardens, I sensed him disappear — and not just behind the banana bush. I went over to study the coffee plant (disappointed that it doesn’t give off the aroma of freshly brewed Colombian mix), and decided that kicking myself would only leave me with an ugly bruise. But boy, did I feel like a fool.

And then I realized, I need help! I need to talk to someone besides Tzivya and Amy, because they’re just not helping me. I love the two of them to pieces, but when it comes to dating, they don’t have the perspective I need.

So last night, as I was out with my sister Shaina and my married cousin Rachel, I had a chance to put my epiphany into action. We spent hours laughing and reminiscing. I told them the whole Aryeh saga, and they had such different advice. Rachel said something so insightful. “Before you decide to try again with someone, you have to find out the reason for the breakup, and what’s changed about it for him since the last time you met.” 

On the ride home, I asked Rachel if she could be my dating mentor. She has seichel and she knows how to keep a confidence. I don’t want to go through more Aryehs. Rachel was happy I asked, and I feel a little bit better to have someone I trust available to help me if I need it.

 

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