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Do-It-Direct Shidduchim

Margie Pensak

I’m not sure what possessed me to do something so revolutionary when it came to finding a shidduch for my son. I tend to be a creative thinker, always considering the nontraditional course. Yet, as someone who has dabbled — successfully — in traditional shidduchim for decades, I surprised even myself….

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

The first time I called a girl’s mother directly to redt my own son’s shidduch was about a year ago. When I learned that Leah, an old friend from high school, had a daughter who was as out-of-the-shidduch-box as my son, I decided to cut out the middleman (or middle woman), and call Leah myself. After a nostalgic 15-minute conversation, we agreed that the shidduch was worth a try. Not only did we determine our kids were on the same “shidduch page,” we had fond memories of our friendship and decided we would really enjoy being mechutanim. If, however, the shidduch was not meant to be, we promised to stay on speaking terms (no big sacrifice considering we hardly spoke in the 30-something years since graduation).

Leah and I were more excited about our children’s upcoming date than they were. To our dismay, the only thing our children had in common was the opinion that they were not a match. So, with pledges to keep an eye out for one another’s children, Leah and I turned back to the drawing board.

The second time I used this “self-service” method called for a bit more bravery. My coworker met Esther and her daughter at an out-of-state simchah. After just a short conversation, she took a liking to them. Esther asked if she knew any nice boys for her daughter. It wasn’t until my coworker returned home that she came up with an idea: my son. Five minutes on Google — my own inimitable F.B.I (Frum Bureau of Investigation) search — revealed Esther was a landsman!

Who would have imagined that this woman, who was about my age, had grown up in the next small town over from my Connecticut hometown? Could this be bashert? Whether the shidduch went through or not, I was more than curious to know whether we had traveled in the same childhood circle of friends.

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