Join The Conversation With Mishpacha's Weekly Newsletter



Turning Tides

As told to Leah Gebber

I didn’t want Yom Kippur to end. I was 21, newly engaged, and come Ne’ilah I felt that my inner work was not quite done. I needed to continue pleading, I needed time before the shofar blew and the year ahead was sealed. Just a few weeks later, as I walked to the chuppah, I felt a certain thickness in the air, like I was wading through a sea of emotions. What did it mean?

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

I was just a regular girl. I never wanted the best, the greatest, spitz. Nor did I expect married life to be perfect. While we were dating,Daniel told me that at one point he felt very down in yeshivah, and I thought: Ah, he had a sprinkle of depression. Well, what of it? Most teens go through a difficult period at some time.

Right after the wedding, though, it was clear that Danielwas not okay. Was it the demands of marriage? The life changes? Fear? I didn’t know, but I knew that I would take care of him. I’m a gentle person, emotionally even-keeled, and I’d support him through whatever it was. We moved to Lakewood a couple of weeks after the wedding — although far from our native South Africa, Daniel had learned there at one particularly productive phase as a bochur and he’d always planned to return. I thoughtDaniel would be pleased — he had pushed hard that we make the move so quickly. But far away from home,Daniel’s behavior quickly spiraled out of control. Medication, therapy — these were tiny, ineffectual Band-Aids against a huge problem. It was obviousDaniel was seriously ill.

I tried. I tried so hard to lead a semblance of a normal life. I had a job lined up, and I was there on time every day. I cooked supper. Cleaned the house. I should have been on top of the world — newly married, fresh life. But my neighbor commented that I looked as if the entire world rested on my shoulders.

I was in touch with our family rav all the time, and he even took the trouble to visit us when he was in the States a month later. He saw that the situation was unworkable. “You’ll probably have to get divorced,” he said.

The response left my mouth before I had time to consider it: “We don’t do that in our family.”

 

 

To read the rest of this story, please buy this issue of Mishpacha or sign up for a weekly subscription

Share this page with a friend. Fill in the information below, and we'll email your friend a link to this page on your behalf.

Your name
Your email address
You friend's name
Your friend's email address
Please type the characters you see in the image into the box provided.
CAPTCHA
Message


MM217
 
The Fortunes of War
Rabbi Moshe Grylak We’re still feeling the fallout of the First World War
Some Lessons, But Few Portents
Yonoson Rosenblum What the midterms tell us about 2020
Vote of Confidence
Eyan Kobre Why I tuned in to the liberal radio station
5 out of 10
Rabbi Dovid Bashevkin Top 5 Moments of the Kinus
Day in the Life
Rachel Bachrach Chaim White of KC Kosher Co-op
When Less is More
Rabbi Ron Yitzchok Eisenman How a good edit enhances a manuscript
It’s My Job
Jacob L. Freedman “Will you force me to take meds?”
They’re Still Playing My Song?
Riki Goldstein Yitzy Bald’s Yerav Na
Yisroel Werdyger Can’t Stop Singing
Riki Goldstein Ahrele Samet’s Loi Luni
Double Chords of Hope
Riki Goldstein You never know how far your music can go
Will Dedi Have the Last Laugh?
Dovid N. Golding Dedi and Ding go way back
Battle of the Budge
Faigy Peritzman Using stubbornness to grow in ruchniyus
The Challenging Child
Sarah Chana Radcliffe Strategies for raising the difficult child
Bucking the Trend
Sara Eisemann If I skip sem, will I get a good shidduch?
The Musician: Part 1
D. Himy, M.S. CCC-SLP and Zivia Reischer "If she can't read she'll be handicapped for life!"