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7 on Seven: Beyond Sheva Brachos

Riki Goldstein

A dreamy wedding, seven days of sumptuous meals, and hours to get to know each other — and then a couple is thrust into the pressures and tensions of regular living. Women reflect back on that critical year of shanah rishonah, and share advice on marriage, housekeeping, in-laws, and more.

Monday, October 06, 2014

On the day of my wedding, my mother told me (as she told each of her children) what her mother had told her when she left Paris for Dublin with her new husband: “We love you very much… but we’re not having you back!” Her message: Work together on your marriage and on any situations (she never used the word “problems”) that might arise. Marriage is a beautiful journey when you and your husband work through things together to create a strong, close relationship. —Mrs. Shoshana Turner, as heard from her mother, Lady Jakobovits a”h   Accept the differences between your husband and yourself. Not wishing he’d be more like you imagined him will set you free from constant angst and put you on the road to menuchas hanefesh, peace of mind. And, remember this: It’s not enough to love him; you also have to be nice to him. —Rebbetzin Debbie Greenblatt, teacher and inspirational speaker  When your husband neglects a minor responsibility or request, resist the urge to confront him with “Why didn’t you go buy the potatoes?” He’ll have to defend himself, and the best form of defense is attack — and the situation can deteriorate in seconds. Instead, make a polite request: “Please could you buy potatoes at the earliest opportunity, so I can put up the cholent?” —Mirel Beck  It’s exciting to feel like you now have an eternal BFF. And if that’s the case, you may think, why not let your friendships slide as you get to know your husband? Well, you’ll soon discover that a husband is male. And while the bond you share with him is stronger than any friendship could ever be, you need a female with whom to agonize over what shade gown to get for your sister’s wedding, to kvetch to on long days, to yap to about everything and nothing. Expecting your husband to do those things will be frustrating for both of you. So keep your friendships healthy (with appropriate boundaries, of course) and your soul mate will be grateful. —Bassi Gruen, managing editor, Family First

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