Join The Conversation With Mishpacha's Weekly Newsletter

7 on Seven: Beyond Sheva Brachos

Riki Goldstein

A dreamy wedding, seven days of sumptuous meals, and hours to get to know each other — and then a couple is thrust into the pressures and tensions of regular living. Women reflect back on that critical year of shanah rishonah, and share advice on marriage, housekeeping, in-laws, and more.

Monday, October 06, 2014

On the day of my wedding, my mother told me (as she told each of her children) what her mother had told her when she left Paris for Dublin with her new husband: “We love you very much… but we’re not having you back!” Her message: Work together on your marriage and on any situations (she never used the word “problems”) that might arise. Marriage is a beautiful journey when you and your husband work through things together to create a strong, close relationship. —Mrs. Shoshana Turner, as heard from her mother, Lady Jakobovits a”h   Accept the differences between your husband and yourself. Not wishing he’d be more like you imagined him will set you free from constant angst and put you on the road to menuchas hanefesh, peace of mind. And, remember this: It’s not enough to love him; you also have to be nice to him. —Rebbetzin Debbie Greenblatt, teacher and inspirational speaker  When your husband neglects a minor responsibility or request, resist the urge to confront him with “Why didn’t you go buy the potatoes?” He’ll have to defend himself, and the best form of defense is attack — and the situation can deteriorate in seconds. Instead, make a polite request: “Please could you buy potatoes at the earliest opportunity, so I can put up the cholent?” —Mirel Beck  It’s exciting to feel like you now have an eternal BFF. And if that’s the case, you may think, why not let your friendships slide as you get to know your husband? Well, you’ll soon discover that a husband is male. And while the bond you share with him is stronger than any friendship could ever be, you need a female with whom to agonize over what shade gown to get for your sister’s wedding, to kvetch to on long days, to yap to about everything and nothing. Expecting your husband to do those things will be frustrating for both of you. So keep your friendships healthy (with appropriate boundaries, of course) and your soul mate will be grateful. —Bassi Gruen, managing editor, Family First

To read the rest of this story, please buy this issue of Mishpacha or sign up for a weekly subscription

Share this page with a friend. Fill in the information below, and we'll email your friend a link to this page on your behalf.

Your name
Your email address
You friend's name
Your friend's email address
Please type the characters you see in the image into the box provided.

Out with the Girls
Yonoson Rosenblum Another progressive revolution that eats its own
And I Will Glorify Him
Eytan Kobre Herman Wouk “made G-d a bestseller”
What You've Learned
Alexandra Fleksher Allow me to let you in on what school is all about
Going Broke
Mishpacha Readers Reader feedback for “The Kids Are Going to Camp..."
Top 5 Ways Jews Try to Lose Weight
Rabbi Dovid Bashevkin Gaining weight and talking about losing weight
He Soaked Up Our Pain
Rabbi Yaakov Klein A tribute to Reb Shlomo Cheshin ztz”l
Leaving on a High Note
Rabbi Ron Yitzchok Eisenman And then it happened. I knew it would
Family Matters
Baruch S. Fertel, MD, MPA, FACEP Not the answers they teach in medical school
Play the Night Away
Riki Goldstein May we all share simchahs, no strings attached!
Fast Thinking
Faigy Peritzman How we react when we're exempt from a mitzvah
Baalat Teshuvah
Rachel Karasenti Don’t ask, “So how did you become frum?”
Confessions of a PhD Graduate
Sarah Chana Radcliffe When it comes to parenting, we’re always learning
Dear Favorite Little Sis
Anonymous I ended up wanting to be like you
Who's Making My Phone Calls?
Sara Eisemann Should I be upfront that I’m calling for myself?