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AdviceLine

Bassi Gruen

I have three married daughters, all close in age. They did everything together when they were little, and even got married within the same year. However, they didn’t all get the same type of spouse.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

One of my daughters — let’s call her Bracha — has a “star husband.” He has a good job and brings home an excellent income, while still putting in a few hours of learning daily. He’s a devoted husband, helping his wife each evening, and a fabulous father to his children. On top of that, he’s tall, charismatic, and has a great sense of humor. My daughter is thrilled — and I’m happy she’s so happy. My other daughters married fine men. Both of their husbands are solid guys who try their best. But they’re a far cry from my other son-in-law. One can’t seem to hold down a job, the other rarely cracks open a sefer. They don’t help much around the house, and can get testy at times. My daughters have decent marriages, but it’s hard work. We live out of town, while all three daughters are in the Tristate area. They all want to visit at the same times:YomTov and the summer. I’ve always tried hard to ensure that Bracha comes at a different time than the other two. I feel like it wouldn’t be good for my other daughters to see their talented brother-in-law. Bracha figured out what I was doing, and though she’d love to hang out with her sisters, she knows her husband is head and shoulders above her brothers-in-law and agrees it’s not a good idea for him to spend too much time in close quarters with them. However, as time goes on, it’s becoming less and less practical to keep the couples apart.

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