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Your Shadchan’s Wish List

RC Steif

Looking at the numbers, it’s true what they say — that there really aren’t enough shadchanim to go around; but could it be that at the same time you’re unwittingly sabotaging your children’s options? In a discussion with four top-line shadchanim, these 21st-century matchmakers provide tips, insights, and advice to make the process smoother.

Wednesday, May 04, 2016

Blimi Lax: By sitting down with their child and analyzing priorities before the child starts shidduchim, parents are empowering both themselves and their children to remain properly focused. When speaking to the shadchan, meeting a prospective partner, or analyzing a date, it’s easy for the young person to get sidetracked. Less important values, such as a less-than-perfect outer appearance, become unjustly magnified during the shidduch process, and the truly significant values often take a backseat. Of course it’s important to realize that no one gets everything, but if you have your list of priorities in front of you, it helps you focus during the shidduch process. I once set up a very tall boy with a short girl. He couldn’t see beyond her height and turned her down. After he met several other tall girls, he asked to meet with the shorter girl again, because he realized that her personality was the best one for him.     Freddy Friedman: In the old days, the baker’s daughter married the farmer’s son, and the rav’s son the melamed’s daughter. Today, there’s a whole world out there, and people don’t just “mish” with anyone — they want the perfect match. And if you want the best match possible, you need to network and “market” your child as much as possible — especially if you have a daughter. The parents’ role during the dating process is to be the voice of reason telling their child that perfection doesn’t exist, and to be able to weed out real concerns from the unimportant ones that get young kids to freeze up.  

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