Join The Conversation With Mishpacha's Weekly Newsletter

Your Shadchan’s Wish List

RC Steif

Looking at the numbers, it’s true what they say — that there really aren’t enough shadchanim to go around; but could it be that at the same time you’re unwittingly sabotaging your children’s options? In a discussion with four top-line shadchanim, these 21st-century matchmakers provide tips, insights, and advice to make the process smoother.

Wednesday, May 04, 2016

Blimi Lax: By sitting down with their child and analyzing priorities before the child starts shidduchim, parents are empowering both themselves and their children to remain properly focused. When speaking to the shadchan, meeting a prospective partner, or analyzing a date, it’s easy for the young person to get sidetracked. Less important values, such as a less-than-perfect outer appearance, become unjustly magnified during the shidduch process, and the truly significant values often take a backseat. Of course it’s important to realize that no one gets everything, but if you have your list of priorities in front of you, it helps you focus during the shidduch process. I once set up a very tall boy with a short girl. He couldn’t see beyond her height and turned her down. After he met several other tall girls, he asked to meet with the shorter girl again, because he realized that her personality was the best one for him.     Freddy Friedman: In the old days, the baker’s daughter married the farmer’s son, and the rav’s son the melamed’s daughter. Today, there’s a whole world out there, and people don’t just “mish” with anyone — they want the perfect match. And if you want the best match possible, you need to network and “market” your child as much as possible — especially if you have a daughter. The parents’ role during the dating process is to be the voice of reason telling their child that perfection doesn’t exist, and to be able to weed out real concerns from the unimportant ones that get young kids to freeze up.  

To read the rest of this story, please buy this issue of Mishpacha or sign up for a weekly subscription

Share this page with a friend. Fill in the information below, and we'll email your friend a link to this page on your behalf.

Your name
Your email address
You friend's name
Your friend's email address
Please type the characters you see in the image into the box provided.

What’s in a Name?
Shoshana Friedman “What does Writer X have to say this week?”
Atonement — Fake and Real
Yonoson Rosenblum White confessionals and faux rituals
Four Walls Coming Full Circle
Eytan Kobre All the while, there’s been a relationship in the offing...
And Yet We Smile
Yisroel Besser We are the nation that toils to be happy at all costs
Out of This World
Rabbi Henoch Plotnick Dirshu Hashem b’himatzo — we are in Hashem’s company now...
Steven and Jonathan Litton
Rachel Bachrach The co-owners of Litton Sukkah, based in Lawrence, NY
Tali Messing
Moe Mernick Tali Messing, engineering manager at Facebook Tel Aviv
Sick Note
Jacob L. Freedman “Of course, Dr. Freedman. Machul, machul, machul”
Avoiding Health Columns Can Be Good for You
Rabbi Emanuel Feldman Only one reliable guide for good health: our Torah
Endnote: Side Notes
Riki Goldstein Most Jewish music industry entertainers have side profes...
Me, Myself, and Why
Faigy Peritzman Where there’s no heart and no love, there’s no point
Can’t Do It Without You
Sarah Chana Radcliffe When you step up to the plate, you build your home team
Eternal Joy
Mrs. Elana Moskowitz The joy of Succos is the fruit of spiritual victory
The Appraiser: Part III
D. Himy, M.S. CCC-SLP and Zivia Reischer Make sure your child knows his strengths
Hidden Special Needs
Rena Shechter You won’t see his special needs, but don’t deny them
Dear Wealthy Friend
Anonymous There’s no need for guilt. I am truly happy for you