LISTEN UP Ask the big questions and be ready to listen: What are your loved one’s wishes for long-term care?

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hen I was growing up in theMidwest, there were very few people blessed with living grandparents. In my post-Holocaust generation, many had lost all their extended family, but even among those who hadn’t suffered such losses, a grandparent was something to make note of and appreciate. After all, life expectancy back then didn’t usually extend far beyond the mid-60s.

We all envied my friend whose grandparents actually lived with her. Instead, I “adopted” an elderly lady who’d been friends with my own grandmother. I called her Bubby Kaplan, and I was thrilled when she gave me homemade challah to take home after visiting her.

Baruch Hashem, attend a siddur party today and it’s standing room only. Each little girl may have multiple sets of grandparents beaming at her on stage. Great-grandparents rush in after leaving their cars at fire hydrants to get inside in time to hear their nachas receive her first siddur. It’s a whole new normal. Grandparents are active, vibrant parts of children’s lives and great-grandparents are the new “older generation.”

However, the blessings bring new types of stress as well. Adults raising families find themselves caring for aging parents, grandparents, and more. A new lingo has emerged: The “Sandwich Generation” balances the needs of multiple generations. Role reversal comes into play as adult children become a support system for those who once supported them. Only a few decades ago, this new reality didn’t exist (see infographic).

Life had thrown enough curveballs for her to feel sturdy on her own two feet. She felt fully capable of making her own decisions and didn’t want to move.

A lifetime spent raising a family and working hard should result in golden years filled with love, good health, and financial security, yet the ravages of time can also leave older people compromised both physically and cognitively. In the 1950s of my childhood, society had the infrastructure to handle this. Today, medical resources have to be increased for a burgeoning population with deteriorating health. The financial needs of retired men and women must be met. Some older people need protected environments to enable them to retain their dignity and sense of purpose and not merely stagnate as their physical and mental faculties diminish.

What do “Sandwich Generation” adults need to know to best assist aging loved ones? Welcome to your primer for managing in the middle.