Join The Conversation With Mishpacha's Weekly Newsletter

Small Spaces

Barbara Bensoussan

As a grown-up, I wonder what makes kids love hiding in small, hidden spaces. Are they nostalgic for the womb, where every need was met?

Thursday, October 13, 2016

 Mishpacha image

Photo: Shutterstock

“H a!! Found you!!”

All of us cousins chortle as one of them finally discovers me scrunched into a corner of the upstairs bathtub, hiding behind a shower curtain.

Hide-and-go-seek is one of our favorite games. I’m pretty clever at it: I find those hiding places right under their eyes, like standing behind an open door as they frantically search a room.

Now, as a grown-up, I wonder what makes kids love hiding in small, hidden spaces. Are they nostalgic for the womb, where every need was met, and no one ever yelled at them?

Some children, especially sensitive ones, become overwhelmed by too much noise and action around them. Hiding somewhere small and quiet provides welcome relief from the madding crowd.

And to many children, the world frequently seems huge and dangerous. Grown-ups always drive the idea home by admonishing them to be careful, not to run into the street, or climb too high. A kid-sized space feels secure, protected from bullies or doggies or angry grown-ups.

When my daughter was young, she once broke a knickknack and was convinced she’d get a tongue lashing of major proportions. She fled to a bedroom and hid in a tiny space between a cabinet and the bed. We searched for an hour, but she was so well hidden we never saw her. The only one to discover her secret hideout was her younger brother, whom she swore to secrecy. Finally another kid found her. By then we were so relieved, we forgot to be upset about the knickknack.

Kids love things they instinctively know exist especially for them: toys, Uncle Moishy, drink boxes, anything scaled to their size, including tiny hiding spaces. Today the daughter who hid behind the bed comes over with her children, and they run around playing with their cousins just like I used to do.

One of their favorite things to do is congregate under my dining room table, hidden by the tablecloth. No grown-ups intrude on their improvised clubhouse, where they make their own rules (which sometimes include excluding younger siblings, who emerge tearfully).

It’s reassuring for kids to feel there’s a place in their world that’s off-limits to grown-ups. After all, when you’re five, parents have a way of knowing you better than you know yourself, and that can feel annoying. They’re always telling you what to do, and they have an exasperating habit of picking you up and carting you off when you object. As children get older, they increasingly want to figure things out for themselves without parental interference.

Share this page with a friend. Fill in the information below, and we'll email your friend a link to this page on your behalf.

Your name
Your email address
You friend's name
Your friend's email address
Please type the characters you see in the image into the box provided.

The Fortunes of War
Rabbi Moshe Grylak We’re still feeling the fallout of the First World War
Some Lessons, But Few Portents
Yonoson Rosenblum What the midterms tell us about 2020
Vote of Confidence
Eyan Kobre Why I tuned in to the liberal radio station
5 out of 10
Rabbi Dovid Bashevkin Top 5 Moments of the Kinus
Day in the Life
Rachel Bachrach Chaim White of KC Kosher Co-op
When Less is More
Rabbi Ron Yitzchok Eisenman How a good edit enhances a manuscript
It’s My Job
Jacob L. Freedman “Will you force me to take meds?”
They’re Still Playing My Song?
Riki Goldstein Yitzy Bald’s Yerav Na
Yisroel Werdyger Can’t Stop Singing
Riki Goldstein Ahrele Samet’s Loi Luni
Double Chords of Hope
Riki Goldstein You never know how far your music can go
Will Dedi Have the Last Laugh?
Dovid N. Golding Dedi and Ding go way back
Battle of the Budge
Faigy Peritzman Using stubbornness to grow in ruchniyus
The Challenging Child
Sarah Chana Radcliffe Strategies for raising the difficult child
Bucking the Trend
Sara Eisemann If I skip sem, will I get a good shidduch?
The Musician: Part 1
D. Himy, M.S. CCC-SLP and Zivia Reischer "If she can't read she'll be handicapped for life!"