Join The Conversation With Mishpacha's Weekly Newsletter



Small Spaces

Barbara Bensoussan

As a grown-up, I wonder what makes kids love hiding in small, hidden spaces. Are they nostalgic for the womb, where every need was met?

Thursday, October 13, 2016

 Mishpacha image

Photo: Shutterstock

“H a!! Found you!!”

All of us cousins chortle as one of them finally discovers me scrunched into a corner of the upstairs bathtub, hiding behind a shower curtain.

Hide-and-go-seek is one of our favorite games. I’m pretty clever at it: I find those hiding places right under their eyes, like standing behind an open door as they frantically search a room.

Now, as a grown-up, I wonder what makes kids love hiding in small, hidden spaces. Are they nostalgic for the womb, where every need was met, and no one ever yelled at them?

Some children, especially sensitive ones, become overwhelmed by too much noise and action around them. Hiding somewhere small and quiet provides welcome relief from the madding crowd.

And to many children, the world frequently seems huge and dangerous. Grown-ups always drive the idea home by admonishing them to be careful, not to run into the street, or climb too high. A kid-sized space feels secure, protected from bullies or doggies or angry grown-ups.

When my daughter was young, she once broke a knickknack and was convinced she’d get a tongue lashing of major proportions. She fled to a bedroom and hid in a tiny space between a cabinet and the bed. We searched for an hour, but she was so well hidden we never saw her. The only one to discover her secret hideout was her younger brother, whom she swore to secrecy. Finally another kid found her. By then we were so relieved, we forgot to be upset about the knickknack.

Kids love things they instinctively know exist especially for them: toys, Uncle Moishy, drink boxes, anything scaled to their size, including tiny hiding spaces. Today the daughter who hid behind the bed comes over with her children, and they run around playing with their cousins just like I used to do.

One of their favorite things to do is congregate under my dining room table, hidden by the tablecloth. No grown-ups intrude on their improvised clubhouse, where they make their own rules (which sometimes include excluding younger siblings, who emerge tearfully).

It’s reassuring for kids to feel there’s a place in their world that’s off-limits to grown-ups. After all, when you’re five, parents have a way of knowing you better than you know yourself, and that can feel annoying. They’re always telling you what to do, and they have an exasperating habit of picking you up and carting you off when you object. As children get older, they increasingly want to figure things out for themselves without parental interference.

Share this page with a friend. Fill in the information below, and we'll email your friend a link to this page on your behalf.

Your name
Your email address
You friend's name
Your friend's email address
Please type the characters you see in the image into the box provided.
CAPTCHA
Message


MM217
 
Weekly Struggle
Shoshana Friedman Cover text: promise big and deliver what we promise
Only Through You
Rabbi Moshe Grylak A response to last week’s letter, “Waiting in Passaic”
Are You Making a Kiddush Hashem?
Yonoson Rosenblum In communal affairs, “one bad apple…” often applies
Chance of a Lifetime
Eytan Kobre I identify with the urge to shout, “No, don’t do it!”
Work / Life Solutions with Bunim Laskin
Moe Mernick "You only get every day once"
Seeking a Truly Meaningful Blessing
Dovid Zaidman We want to get married. Help us want to date
Shivah Meditations
Rabbi Emanuel Feldman Equivalence between two such polar opposites is puzzling
Magnet Moment
Jacob L. Freedman Everyone’s fighting a battle we know nothing about
Secrets and Surprises
Riki Goldstein Top-secret suits Eli Gerstner just fine
Blasts of Warmth
Riki Goldstein Keeping the chuppah music upbeat in low temperatures
Behind the Scenes
Faigy Peritzman The intrinsic value of each mitzvah
Good Vision
Sarah Chana Radcliffe Good or bad, nice or not? What you see is what you get
Day of Peace
Mrs. Elana Moskowitz On Shabbos we celebrate peace within and without