Join The Conversation With Mishpacha's Weekly Newsletter



Tempo: Journeys

Miriam Dansky

Sara thought that Yaakov had become akin to the Shabbos lights in their dramatic shadow: zachor, yizkor, a quiet act of remembering, a lingering glow

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

shiur

For Sara, Yaakov’s first yahrtzeit was not only a date, but something of an achievement. The last year was not what she could describe as living, but rather as being propelled away from a disaster site that was still slowly smoldering. 

Leaving the candle flickering on her sideboard, Sara thought that Yaakov had become akin to the Shabbos lights in their dramatic shadow: zachor, yizkor, a quiet act of remembering, a lingering glow. So she left the light in its glass and took a taxi to the station. 

It seemed an extraordinarily strange thing to do. She had to leave the place of her daily life. The train journey northward toward her husband’s final resting place was largely monotonous. Looking out through grimy windows, the endless flatness of fields became a flash of brown and green. But then came the sight of bright cornfields, looking as though they had been stitched by hand onto the green tapestry of fields. Why should she notice this? Was it of any import on this day, which was the exact day a year ago of the happening? 

The happening had been a series of ordinary events, which had progressed inexorably to an end completely unanticipated. At 11 a.m. she had glanced at her watch, handbag looped over her arm, waiting to go out together on some trifling errand. And somehow in that moment or slight increment of time there was already a dull refrain: Ayeka, where are you? Or had she added this later, in a kind of subtext? But Yaakov always answered when she called out to him, perhaps only with one word, but an answer nonetheless. So why not now?

And what of the moment when she had climbed the stairs and some oddly ominous iciness had begun to take hold of her heart? And then there had been only time with its hobnailed boots, thunderous as the men with black cases ascended the stairs, almost pushing her over in their rush, as if there was nothing for her to do by being there. She was suddenly an irrelevance. All the long corridors of their life together now counted for nothing. 

Now, on this journey toward him, she was assailed by memories. She thought of all those earliest years in the house opposite the park, with the bare floorboards and the secondhand furniture. Though subsisting with little, they’d had a cheerful optimism and emunah that life would rush on toward some better place. 

They had been right. The years turned. There was dappled light in summer on the stones of their backyard. The ivy she’d planted upon the birth of their first son grew and covered the brick wall. So many memories; a suitcase stuffed with memories with the contents spilling out. They were experiences from which she was now excluded in the here and now; an entire country from which she was now excluded. (Excerpted from Family First, Issue 550)

Related Stories

Voice of Faith

Riki Goldstein

When the disease continued to progress, Rav Segal pronounced: “Your avodah now is to be mekabel b’ah...

In Search of an Orphan Cure

Esther Ilana Rabi

When Megan Crowley and her brother were diagnosed with an orphan disease, and their parents told the...

Clear The Clutter from A to Z

Yael Wiesner

If you’re ready to create more space and efficiency in your home, here’s your ditch list, from A to ...

Share this page with a friend. Fill in the information below, and we'll email your friend a link to this page on your behalf.

Your name
Your email address
You friend's name
Your friend's email address
Please type the characters you see in the image into the box provided.
CAPTCHA
Message


MM217
 
Not a Newspaper
Shoshana Friedman A deeper difference between newspapers and magazines
Services in Shards
Rabbi Moshe Grylak “Such a painful, malicious lie!”
The Pittsburgh Protests: All Politics All the Time
Yonoson Rosenblum The old rule — “no enemies on the left” — still applies
Danger: School Crossing
Eytan Kobre The hypocrisy of YAFFED’s assertion is breathtaking
Real Laughter and Real Tears
Rabbi Avrohom Neuberger The two sides of a life lived with emunah
Work/Life Solutions with Eli Langer
Moe Mernick I was proud to be “that guy with the yarmulke”
Is Ktchong! a Mitzvah? When Prayer and Charity Collide
Rabbi Emanuel Feldman These cannot both be done effectively at the same time
An Honest Shidduch
Jacob L. Freedman “Baruch Hashem I’m cured, and this will be my secret”
A Blessing in Disguise
Riki Goldstein “I never thought the song would catch on as it has”
Ishay and Motti Strike a Common Chord
Riki Goldstein Bringing together two worlds of Jewish music
What’s your favorite Motzaei Shabbos niggun?
Riki Goldstein From the holy and separate back to the mundane
Rightfully Mine
Faigy Peritzman Don’t regret the job you didn’t land; it was never yours
Growing Greener Grass
Sarah Chana Radcliffe Nurture your blessings and watch them blossom
My Way or the High Way
Rebbetzin Debbie Greenblatt We know what we want — but do we know what He wants?